G L E E !

by zel

My new obsession? GLEE!

What a hot cast, right?! My fav’s are Finn and Kurt. I absolutely love this show! I gotta admit though, I feel like I’m cheating on Wicked with Glee. I promise I’m not! I’ve been into musical’s since I saw Wicked and it just opened up this new and exciting world. I’m thinking of taking theater next semester!

I didnt do much shopping for Black Friday this year. I just got a hoodie and a hat from AE, the next few Sweep books + The Perks of a Wallflower + Glee soundtrack from Amazon and some DVD’s from Target and Best Buy. Nothing big. I already got Martin’s Christmas gift a few days earlier and my digi cam last week so there wasnt anything else I wanted (besides you know… a Mac Book Pro and a dSLR, things I cant really afford right now lol).

I didnt get a phone call from Martin yesterday which kinda got me down, he always tells me to not wait for his phone calls but I cant help it! My modem also completely died yesterday. I called my ISP about it and they said my warranty ended in 2006. Gee, thanks for telling me now. So I headed back to Best Buy and I had to buy a new modem. I saw a guy in his Marine blue’s and I couldnt help but stare. I got kinda sad actually. I’m a sucker for blues and ABU’s. Sad I wont get to see Martin in his. Maybe one day, right?

I got a phone call from him today though. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was gonna go pee cause I got tired of waiting for his call and he was like “why are you waiting for my call?” cause you only call once! Loser! He sounded happier today. We had 20 minutes to talk which always feels like forever, in a good way. He’s being positive (finally) but I assume its because he’s been going to church and again he was trying to talk me into going to church. Hey man, maybe I happen to like my chemical imbalance! I’m just happy he sounded happier and he was telling me about all the people he made friends with and stuff.

I cant wait to see him. And I dont know what to wear! Haha. Which is odd, I’ve never really worried about what to wear when seeing him.

I should probably get some more cleaning done before I get too lazy. I hate how my room faces the sun, its actually really warm in here and the fan is on. But its really cold in the hallway. Grr.

personal

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Thanksgiving!

by zel

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Unfortunately Martin isnt home yet, he did call me this morning to say Happy Thanksgiving and that he’s thankful for me. We spent a huge chunk of the phone call talking about Religion, which was… weird. Weird because his views on religion are opposite from when he enlisted. He told me to be good and he was thankful for me again before we hung up and I just broke down. No idea why, he sounded concerned and assured me he’d be home soon. Then he tried to get me to sing “For Good” to cheer me up :)

I was suppose to clean my room today but my closet just looks so… hopeless. Seriously. There’s random crap stacked up on random crap in there, I dont know how I’m ever going to see my closet floor. It wasnt that bad last year, I somehow made it work… I’m sure if I tried hard enough I could make it work this year… lets hope, yeah?

I finished Sweep: Blood Witch. I’m having mixed feelings about Cal and Hunter especially after I read that dang spoiler yesterday on accident. And the Runes that Sky & Hunter put on Morgan’s house didnt seem to be anything of harm, the girl is just not listening. Total Bella/Edward-ish (besides that this book came out wayyy before Twilight). I’m excited to read the fourth book. I’m starting to run out of books lol. The only thing I keep thinking is “where am I going to store all 15 books?!” seriously.

Took advantage of some of the Thanksgiving only sales today. Oh shopping online! I didnt do that much damage though, I was on the search for a hoodie like my Aero one but they dont have that type anymore. Darn.

THiNGS i’M THANKFUL FOR:

My amazing fiance who’s never given up on me no matter how off the wall, extreme, psycho or stubborn I get. For always being there to support me on my next crazy idea or my newest obsession. For jumping up and down with me when I’m excited. For always trying to understand me even when its hard to. And for loving me as unconditional as he does.
My parents for being so supportive since Martin left. For understanding how much this wedding means to me. For offering their help, constantly. For caring even though sometimes they have a weird way of showing it.
My wonderful friends who are always there no matter what time of day/night it is to listen to me babble until I feel better. For my bro for always being there, srsly dont know where I’d be without him!
My Meez & Jay for brightening my days and being my sunshine!
Boq, the hamster my mama got me :)
Blogging. I’d probably go nuts without it!
All I’ve accomplished in the last year without even knowing it. It’s nice to know that I’m getting somewhere :)
The Air Force for this crazy adventure that we both hate lol
Wicked for being awesome enough to inspire me to create and try new things and take changes I normally would never take.
Everything life has to offer :)
Finding Nemo gummy multivitamins cause man, they’re delicious!
Books! I’ve re-discovered my love for reading in the last 2 months.
The new camera I got myself last week. Love! Love! Love!
GLEE!
For the ability to stay positive no matter the situation.
My wedding! I’m so excited and nervous!
Baskin Robbins Fudge Crunch Cake (makes everything better, no lie)
The holiday spirit (my favorite time of the year)!
Finding the perfect Sugar Cookie soaps for my wedding favors. Love!
KOHLS for the amazing boots, hoodie and shirts I recently got. LOVE! Haha.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

life

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A bit better.

by zel

I bought Endless Love from Glee on iTunes. I &hearts; their version. And I was also looking up/watching Glee all night last night *cough*. I think I’m obsessed, and I feel like I’m cheating on Wicked by saying that! Haha.

I got a call from Martin at 0730 yesterday. I swear, he sounds surprised every time I pick up the phone, like I wasnt going to pick up or something. If only he knew how fast I wake up when my phone rings these days. Too bad he’s coming home, I’m going to go back to taking an hour for him to wake me up every morning lol. Maybe not.

But, he sounded a lot happier. He was laughing a lot more. It was nice to have a happy conversation with him for once, its been awhile since we’ve had one since he’s been there. The situation sucks, but we’re use to things going wrong so I’m sure we’ll bounce back in time.

I was talking to him about his uniform cause he was saying how he has to return his blues and his camos and I was like “no fair, I’ll never get to see you in your camos” and he was like “yeah… I dont look too bad in them either” asshole lol. He knows how much I love camos. I was like “did you get a bunch of name tags?” and he was like “yeah… I’m hella touching my uniform and pointing to it like you can see me haha” asshole! He’s wearing them right now?! Well duh, what else would they wear but *swoon*. I told him he got paid last week and I was like “wait thanks for taking us to Todai last week” and he started cracking up and hes like “wtf”. Got you boo!

I asked him if he still wanted to get married and he was like “yes, I do” and he sounded a little sad I asked. Hey man, just making sure. I told him I was upset with my parents the night before, but I talked to my mom and things are better now. I dont know how this is going to work out. But I have faith it will. I hate the idea of getting married. Hate might be an understatement, but to be honest, I am excited to be getting married. Not really for the ceremony part, but the being married to him part. I’m honestly not looking forward to the ceremony part. I get so nervous in front of people, even if they are just family and friends. I hate having the attention on me. You know how some people are like “YES! A day ALL about ME!” yeah, I’m not one of those people. Please please pay more attention to him than me! In fact, I’m making him walk down the isle. You think he’ll go for it?! Haha. Lets all hope.

On the upside at least now I only have to buy an xmas gift. I’m still waiting on his surprise and its not getting here fast enough! It might not get here at all, but I still have hope it will.

Tomorrow is finishing up the last minute wedding stuff, mailing out the invitations and putting the finishing touches on the favors and sending in the payment. My dress should be here next week. Lets hope the shoes I ordered dont cause me to trip and fall during the time I’m wearing them, at all.

Btw, like the new snowman layout? I dont like how the text box at the top is so high up, but I guess I just have to warm up to it… or something lol.

personal

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What now?

by zel

Yesterday was probably the worst day ever.

Woke up with an extremely painful ulcer
Missed Wicked
Got a fever
And a headache
Martin had some bad news

The upside? Marissa stayed with me for 14hrs taking care of me since I wasnt feeling well. Best sister in law ever? HELL YES.

Certain people remind me just how worthless best friends are. Thank goodness Marissa’s dealing with this with me. We’re both very upset about his bad news. Oh and thank goodness for my bro who never lets me down.

I hate moping and I hate being sad, especially over things I have no control over. I’m hoping I can just sleep this off and be ready and willing to work in the morning, but I have a feeling this particular problem isnt going to be solved that way or that quickly. And I really wish it would be.

I feel like giving up for awhile. Not doing anything. Just sitting on the floor staring at the door for a few weeks, but what’s that going to solve? It isnt going to make it go away and it isnt going to better the situation. As much as it hurts to get up and do something, it has to be done.

Just because life kicks you down doesnt mean you have to stop.

personal

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A few weeks left, but it feels like forever.

by zel

I want to be back in your arms already. I miss your face. I miss your chin hair scratching the hell out of my face when you kiss me. I miss your dimples and your smile. I miss laying my head on your shoulder and inhaling your scent. I miss your soft squishy wet kisses. I miss your sweet sweat and how it makes my mouth water to the point where I just have to bite you. I miss how you never mind that. I miss you sticking your knuckle in my mouth for me to bite on when I have road rage, or when I’m hungry. I miss when I bite too hard and you say “ow” and pull your hand away and make that scared face. I miss making faces at you all day. I miss your warm hugs and holding your hand. I miss you rubbing my face when I’m stressed out. I miss your forehead kisses. I miss your encouraging hand squeezes.

I miss you holding the door open in women’s restrooms and watching me cause you know the hand dryer scares me. I miss you pulling me away from things you know I dont need to buy. I miss sharing Hazelnut Toffee Mocha’s from Seattles Best with you. I miss sharing soup and soda with you at Panera Bread. I miss sending you millions of Wicked videos from YouTube and watching them with you. I miss singing to Wicked with you. I miss singing with you in general. I miss your good morning phone calls and the songs you sing me while I’m waking up. I miss your cheerful “Hi baby!” when I pick up the phone. I miss you falling asleep on AIM while I’m still talking. I miss you playing your PSP way too loud in the car. I miss you driving me around. I miss how you always have to hold my hand while you drive.

I hate that we’ve been apart from each other for this long. I hate how far you are from me. I hate the days I walk in my room and smell you. I hate the times I bite my lip and taste your kiss. I hate getting in my car knowing you wont be joining me soon and I wont be getting a “good morning baby” hug.

I want to wrap myself in you and just sleep. I want the the its-just-you-and-me-here feeling again. I want you home. I want you here with me, right now. I want you to never leave me again.

I miss you so much and I try so hard to push it away and to just forget about it. I drown myself in “work” to avoid thinking about how you’re not here today or tomorrow or next week. I’m constantly moving cause being idle reminds me I cant pick up the phone and call you about my new idea’s or accomplishments or projects. I’m so set on doing something to make you proud when I see you again. And I’ve got a lot of things I’m working on, and yet none of them make me feel proud. I’m excited for some of them, but I just really wish you were here to work on them with me. Like you always do.

It feels like we’ve been apart forever. It feels like I wont see you for another forever. Its just a few more weeks, we’re half way done. I cant wait until you come home. I cant wait until I get to show you my projects and I cant wait to show you your surprise gift. I hope you like it. And I hope you like my new projects, its not jewelry but I think you’d be happy to know I’m working on something I’ve always had a passion for over something I just started.

I know its hard for you to push yourself without me. I know its hard for you to keep your head on right without me with you. Its hard for both of us, but you’re pushing yourself as far as you can and I havent been, and I should. Its not fair for you to and for me to sit here and mope. So the next few weeks, I’ll be pushing myself as hard as you’re pushing yourself.

I cant wait to see you again.

xoxo

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