I’ll be the first to admit, I’m selfish. I’m so selfish its ridiculous. I’m so use to it just being me. On my own. Working for my own. Spoiling myself. Spending days on end by myself. As soon as I got use to it, accepted it, Martin comes along and fucks it all up!
You’d think, after 6 years together, it would change right? That’s not really true. I’m still selfish. I still put myself before anyone else (most of the time). I still prefer days alone over days with my husband (thank God he understands this). I would think by now, after being with someone for 6 years and at 25 years old, I woulda matured a little. And I have, but not in the area’s where it would oh I don’t know… help my marriage?
Maybe it was the idea that I never intended to get married. But life never works out the way you want to and the military can cause a great deal of pressure. So of course, being married when I never planned on ever being married… is a struggle for me most days. I don’t get this marriage thing! I don’t get this “we” shit. I don’t understand why “we” have to make decisions “together”. I mean shit, can’t we just pull the solution out of a hat or something? I don’t get what “we’re a family” means. It just doesn’t click in my head.
We had our first misunderstanding as a married couple the other day and I think this is worth documenting. It didn’t involve screaming, tears or me breaking glass (or windshields). He sat me down, forced me to look at him while he explained his side followed by “do you understand?” except it was much more of a statement than a question. I tried to argue my point but it always went back to “do you understand?” yes I understand but me, being selfish and stubborn, I’m going to say no!
At the end of it all, I got a big hug a kiss and an “I love you”.
Maybe I should not understand more often :) kidding.
I’m working on this being married thing. Just don’t hold your breath love, this may take a few… decades. Just sayin’.
