It’s raining today, but it’s not the type of rain I grew use to.
Rain here is cold, ugly and for someone who anemic, pretty frustrating. While I was in Florida, I learned to love the rain. But the rain in Florida was drastically different. It was warm (we’d still keep the A/C running even during a storm warm), it was heavy, it came with amazing lightning and thunder so loud it sounded like the sky was literally cracking open. I loved being outside. I loved standing there, watching the flashes of lightning and counting the seconds between the sky cracking open. And when it was done , it left the air stuffy and so moist that if you rubbed your fingertips together you could feel small drops of water.
To go back to this type of rain; the cold and gloomy kind, is depressing.
Maybe I’m not making it any better by playing my Disney playlist on Spotify. Filled mostly with music that they played over and over at work. But right now, I would love nothing more than for it to be last year and for me to be sorting the charms table, stitching names on the back of hats and planning my getaway plan to get Earl of Sandwich for lunch.
Sometimes life gets in the way, sometimes things come up that cause you to put your dreams on hold. Sometimes you come home for a comfort that your core aches for and you realize that it’s gone, never to come back. And sometimes you just sit on the floor, not really sure what to do because suddenly the world feels so big and you feel so lost.
I can deal with missing Disney from this far away. I can deal with missing my friends. I can deal with missing my job. I can even deal with the fact that I’m so far away from a place that never fails to inspire or lift my spirits no matter what mood I’m in.
But dealing with being in a place where I came home to see a particular pretty face and knowing I never will? Is hard. Touching the spot in my room where she would set her paws, not really sure why she can’t come in, hoping that she left behind some hair… is hard.
Today, is hard.
