OCD « thisgirlispoison

You are now invited to the other side of sanity

by zel

I miss being inspired.

I miss turning on my iTunes and having a song just completely sweep me away in a memory or a thought strong enough to get me to write. I miss having a list of things to blog about when I got home. I miss blogging. Really blogging. Really writing. It’s been years since something has really inspired me.

My mind feels like a constant hazy fog. I have bits and pieces of things I want to write about. But as soon as they come, they leave. It kind of feelings like ever since OCD hit really hard everything artistic about me just faded away. I don’t web design, I don’t graphic design, I don’t write. I don’t do anything. And I feel like all my efforts to get back into the things I loved doing, are effortless. It’s like something coming between me and my project. Like an invisible wall pushing me back.

I wanted to change that this year. And I still do, but I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want to give up, but I feel so hopeless.

Then again it’s after midnight. Misery always comes after midnight…

personal

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A week full of sick!

by zel

I thought I’d have more pictures to share this week, but I guess I don’t! I was pretty much sick all week. I’m feeling a lot better today, but I still have this really icky cough.

Last Sunday husband came over and we sat around and watched movies. At Chicken Noodle Soup and relaxed.

Also tore open the Williams-Sonoma Easter sour bunny gummies! I love these! I tried them last year and fell in love! I only like the lime ones though. They’re so sour and chewy and OMG. Delicious!

I also finally finished Stealing Heaven by Elizabeth Scott. This was such a good read! I still have to do a review on this. I just hate how when I read a good book, I postpone reviews because I never think it’ll do it enough justice. But this was a really good book and I’m now a huge fan of Elizabeth Scott’s writing!

Monday was our last day of our first class at University of Phoenix. I don’t have a picture of the spread of food we had, and man we had a lot but I do have a picture of our plates on my twitpic. Featuring Kai’s delicious Cookies & Cream cupcakes. They were delicious! They were moist, the frosting was amazing and there was half an oreo under the cupcake! Impressive! Sad to be leaving GEN/195, I liked our teacher and the class was pretty laid back. Now tomorrow we’re starting a new class!

Tuesday I wasn’t feeling too well, I thought it was the birth control I started taking again to regulate my period, but whatever it was… I just wasn’t feeling well at all. We went to the bank and ran some errands before class. Husband took me to The Grocery Outlet since I’ve never been there and he swore they sold MRE’s there. Well they didn’t, but I did discover these…

OMGOMGOMG! I haven’t seen these since the 90′s! Viennetta ice cream cake was my favorite FAVORITE ice cream cake when I was a child. Seriously, I LOVED this stuff! I can’t believe I forgot about it! I hate how they don’t sell these in grocery stores anymore! I was seriously freaking out. Everything in The Grocery Outlet was amazingly cheap. Stuff I normally pay $5 for! They don’t have a super large selection but they do have a lot of really good stuff there including this! OMG. When I get better! So going back to get a bunch of these!!

After class, we headed over to Borders so I could buy The Unwritten Rule by Elizabeth Scott.

She’s holding a contest/giveaway on her blog. If you send her a picture of your purchased book and receipt, she sends you an additional novel for free! I just got my additional novel in yesterday, haven’t opened it yet so I don’t know what it is!

Wednesday I stayed home and ate my “I’m sick” comfort food: KFC Chicken Pot Pie. Fevers, aches, headaches, not fun.

Thursday Skipped class to go to the hospital and thank goodness it isn’t Strep Throat! The day was filled with naps, soup and apple juice.

Sorry, not much else is coming to mind about that day….

Friday was spent at home relaxing on my own and doing Follow Friday which I’m starting to think is a bad idea… I do all these Follow Friday‘s and I get all these “followers” but hardly anyone ever comments after that Friday. I want people to follow my blog because they actually like my blog, not because I was on some blog hop list!

Some new books. Thank goodness Amazon accepts paypal, it’s all I got right now! Whew. I’ve been itching for Wake for awhile now. I’m excited to read these! My husband just got my order in from Amazon for my birthday gift books, I don’t know how he’s going to wrap them… my OCD anxiety goes nuts every time I think about it. Gah! OCD seriously just makes my life SO much more worse. Drives me insane.

Saturday I was up early to catch Wicked at my mall. They were having a performance at 11AM, so I dragged myself out of bed only to find out that… they only sang two songs “Wizard & I” and “For Good” and they were two people I’ve never seen before, so I’m going to assume understudies? But they had amazing voices! I was disappointed it wasn’t longer and they didn’t perform any other songs… so we went to Panera after and had lunch then back home to go to Target so I could get husband some Rice Crackers and get me some Tylenol. I was singing and acting out “The Wizard & I” at Target cause I was just so deliriously sick at that point. Good thing my husband doesn’t get embarrassed by the things I do and good thing there wasn’t anyone really there at 1PM. Or maybe I was just too into my own little world… whatever! I got the Tylenol Cold with Cool Burst like I mentioned in my review.

Also, I finally finished my LUSH Snow Fairy body wash!

Thank goodness!! Towards the end, I really hated the smell of this thing! I think I’ll do a review on here later… if not check my beauty blog for a review there!

Sunday which is today, is spent catching up on blogs, doing laundry, trying to feel better before class tomorrow and hopefully doing some cleaning. I’m going to start reading The Unwritten Rule today, I’ve been putting it off because of my OCD. Ugh. Lame lame lame!

Song of the week: Lady In My Life by Michael Jackson.

week review

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Sick!

by zel

Ugh, I feel like so much crap today!

So this passed Tuesday, I wasn’t feeling too well. But it wasn’t anything serious. My throat was feeling a bit warm and I felt really weak and hungry, but I thought it was just the birth control I got back on (I have periods one day a month and that really bother’s Martin so he had me back on birth control in hopes to regulate the period, which didn’t work, but I decided to try it again anyway). We got to Cardio Kickboxing class and the warm up wasn’t so bad, it was just during the target practice where I felt really weak. Like my right hand was going to snap off every time I did a cross. Mr said I was being lazy, so I guess it showed, but really, I just felt really weak. My night wasn’t unusual, the birth control was making me nauseous so I went to bed, I felt okay when I went to bed…

Wednesday comes along, I woke up at like 5AM-ish with a fever, super achy and my throat felt swollen. It was hard and painful to swallow.

I stayed home on Wednesday and spent the day sleeping. I was miserable! I couldn’t stand sitting at the computer for more than 5 minutes at a time and I had an on and off fever. I hated how Martin couldn’t be there to take care of me because of my stupid OCD. When I’m sick, I usually just lock myself in my room and deal with it myself. OCD can really complicate things :(. Since I had on and off fevers, I decided to set an appointment for Thursday.

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personal

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Chemicals…. imbalancing….

by zel

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is classified as a mental illness. Just like depression, it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain.

So, what are you trying to say? That my brain is… chemically imbalanced?! How does a brain become chemically imbalanced when nothing gets into the brain? At least, not physically.

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life

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Review: Glove in a Bottle.

by zel

I’ve struggled with OCD since 2004 and in 2006, it was at its worse (now if you know about OCD its more likely that you have more than one type of OCD, I struggle with several different types). My mine one has to do with contamination. Its not really like how it is in movies or on TV (this isnt my OCD journal so I’m not going to go into detail here, but if you’re interested to know my OCD journal, feel free to ask).

When it was at its worse in 2006, I was constantly washing my hands. By constant, I mean maybe once every half hour. It didnt help much that I worked as a cashier. I obviously couldnt wash my hands every single time I did a cash transaction so I carried hand sanitizer in my pocket with me. Probably the worst idea ever. The constant hand washing and alcohol from the hand sanitizer successfully stripped my hands of all moisture. My hands were so dry and chapped that my finger tips were completely messed up. I couldnt touch silk or satin without my finger tips getting irritated, I couldnt even feel the fabric, at all from my messed up my finger tips were. I also started getting red itchy bumps (which I still get) and I’d scratch my hands until they bled, it drove me nuts.

I was at the hospital one day and me and my boyfriend (who’s now my husband) were in the pharmacy to pick up some medicine (I dont remember what I was there for, I’m going to get cough medicine since that year I got Strep Throat for the first time). We were standing in line and they had a tester bottle out for Glove in a Bottle. He read it and suggested I try it, but I refused. He went ahead and tried it himself and really liked it.

So the next time we went to the pharmacy (which wasnt until summer-ish 2007) he got me a small sample bottle thinking it would help dry hands.

I went from being a cashier to working in cash control for a theme park. If you dont know what cash control is, basically we handle all the cash and tickets that come into the park. So basically, its like a room full of cash. For someone who has OCD, it wasnt exactly hell but it was close to it. Everything in that room was dirty (but it did help me realize that I am capable of ignoring my OCD, I even threw out the trash a lot there, incredible)!

The site says:

When the natural oil is stripped from the outer layer of skin the moisture (water) quickly leaves the outer layer of skin leaving the skin dry, irritated, and itchy. Worse, the deeper layers of skin are left exposed to harsh damaging substances including detergents, solvents, cleaners, paint and thinners, gardening chemicals, dirt and grease, latex gloves and powder, etc.

This results in more dry, irritated, and itchy skin that becomes chapped, cracked and damaged.

Hand and skin lotions only replace natural oils with artificial ones. These offer temporary relief that does little to heal the skin. Regular use of lotions can actually cause the skin to produce less natural oils.

Gloves In A Bottle is a shielding lotion – it bonds with the outer layer of your skin and helps lock in your natural oils and moisture – the reason why dermatologists recommend Gloves as an effective dry skin treatment.

I would use this every single time I washed my hands after using the bathroom at work. It says its waterproof but I’d put it on again just in case.

The lotion is fairly thin and it absorbs quickly into your skin. It smells like glue on your hands, but after it absorbs, your hands do feel smoother and softer. After using this everyday for about two weeks, I was starting to see and feel major results. So I used it for a good amount of time, maybe six months or more. And it helped a lot! For one, my finger tips werent messed up anymore, I could finally touch silk and satin without them getting irritated and I could feel the fabric! That was the biggest thing about this to me, something so small as not being able to feel fabric is depressing, I’m so glad my husband found this for me!

If you’re like me and you feel you’ve stripped your hands of all its moisture or if your hands get really dry and chapped, I do highly highly recommend this lotion. Of all the lotions I’ve tried to heal my hands, this is my favorite one!

For more reviews on beauty products please visit my beauty blog here.

review

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