thisgirlispoison

Nov 3

Another day gone…

by zel

I had a few things to do today, like finish up some necklaces I have to send out later this week or put together a package and update my blogs… but I didnt, I just sat here. Waiting for a phone call, and another day passes that I dont get one :( I’m trying really hard to not hate this, but it just gets harder and harder. Isnt it suppose to get easier? I guess I’m just so stressed out and lonely that I just want him to come home already. I know I shouldnt expect phone call’s, they just make me put my day on hold but I cant help it either. It just sucks… :(

I did however manage to talk to the cake department about my wedding cake and to the chapel place to ask questions about the photographer and floral. Now I just have to pick out pictures of what I want mine to look like for both. Its just kinda lonely planning out your wedding without your fiance being able to help you, you know? It causes less arguments, but I just wish he was here to tell me what he wants too, you know?

I started a Wicked fan site last night. I spent last night thinking about what to put down for content while I was falling asleep, and I have a few things to post… but I didnt get around to it. Maybe later tonight. I’ll link it once its up and running, not that anyone reads this or anything :(

Man! I hate feeling down, its such a lousy feeling.

I was trying to decide what to name the new Robo baby. I havent taken pictures of him yet, again, maybe later tonight. I shoulda probably took some during the day but I didnt really have time. I was trying to decide between Ace or Boq (get it? Munchkin… dwarf hamster? hahaha…). But I’m not completely sure if the Robo is a boy and Ace seems like a good unisex name. Though I really wanted to pick Boq. Or Nessarose lol!

I need to start putting moisturizer on my face, its not getting cold (it still feels like summer here in CA) but my face is starting to dry up and peel. Blah, I hate when that happens!

personal

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Nov 1

Happy November!

by zel

Yay! The beginning of a new month! This is the time my parents start setting up for Christmas and start playing Christmas songs and everything’s crisp, cold (hopefully) and joyful! This month also means…

  • New free Aerie gift
  • New Wizard of Oz comic book release
  • Wicked!
  • New Moon
  • One more month closer to see my boo!

Yes, I plan on seeing Wicked for a third time this month! I’m pretty excited. Hopefully this time we get balcony seats. Floor seats were lovely when Defying Gravity came on, but horrible when it came to seeing what was going on in the middle of the stage.

Basic Training is almost over! I’m so excited! And nervous at the same time… I’m probably going to be nervous and shy and self conscious when I see him. Blah! Then he’ll be home for Christmas (hopefully) and our wedding isnt too far away from that.

The wedding planning has been going… better. I should had said “getting” but whatever. I ordered my dress! It’s wonderful. Not my first choice (my first choice didnt come in blue, at all… boo) but it’s just as lovely. I got a shrug to go with it because I’m insecure about my shoulders and I also ordered my shoes. I hope Martin likes my dress! I’m sure he’ll be surprised since its not the dress we decided on when he was here. We also got the table decor’s, we had changed it since Marissa came up with something better. So we’re going to test that out and see how it goes. Also, we’re going to have to test out painting some flowers! Pretty excited about that.

Right now I’m focused on the favors, been looking up some images for bouquet idea’s. We still have to order the customized ribbon and the save-the-dates as well as the invitations. And I need to get the save-the-dates out like… now. But its hard if I dont know if Martin’s Christmas break is solid, so hopefully he calls soon to let me know.

The planning is a lot less stressful now that I have my dress. Whew, thank goodness!

life

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Oct 27

The chances of finding someone like you.

by zel

Lucky me :)

Yesterday I received two letters from Martin. Both three pages long (at first I was convinced this couldnt be my finace! He hates writing, but there it was. In his sloppy handwriting) and a letter about his graduation. I swear, I cried the whole time I was reading his letters. He was telling me how challenging everything was and just like the strong person he is, he was writing down plans to do better on his runs, his push ups, his crunches. I wish I was half as determined as he is when it comes to things that he fails at. I simply just give up. He never gives up, he never even thinks about giving up. And I admire that about him. He was telling me that he thinks of me when things get hard. And it makes me want to run over there (yes the whole how many states over) and just give him a huge hug and kiss. And let him know I believe in him. He also mentioned he wanted Olive Garden (OG is my favorite restaurant but he hates it there!) and he goes “its funny how when I leave I miss everything, or maybe I just want to be with you” and I just broke down. He would follow me no matter where I went, to the ends of the Earth if that’s where I wanted to go. And not in a lost puppy type of way, but in a I-want-to-be-where-you-are-always type of way.

I had just got done texting his mom the graduation details and my phone starts to ring, and its him!! Imagine my surprise. I picked up and he was on the other end, cheerful “Hi baby! What are you doing?” I missed his cheerful “Hi baby!” and so many things just flew out of my mouth. And suddenly, I just went blank. I know there was more I wanted to say and nothing was coming to mind! I hate that we’re on a time limit, it makes me forget things. Then he had to go, and I wish our phone calls werent bittersweet. We dont get enough of them and I dont want us to be sad when he hangs up. I’m determined to not let it end that way next time. I’m determined to have him laugh and smile when he hangs up the next time.

We’ll see each other again. Just a few more weeks, we’re strong enough to get through this. I’m so proud of him. I cant wait to spend a weekend with him and listen to all the stories he has to tell.

The wedding planning is… going. Not as fast and as final as I’d like it to, but… its getting there. I figured out the table decor. My main stress is finding a dress. Cause I’m not going anywhere unless I find a dress! My mind is just… everywhere right now.

Wedding planning, graduation planning, jewelry making planning, just… everywhere. Lots of planning.

I was calling a bunch of buffet’s in Las Vegas today and it looks like I’ll be sticking with the original plan. Everything else just… doesnt make sense and I dont know how good their food is. I dont want to risk it. Favors are slowly coming together… filling up my planning journal, rather quickly lol.

I started reading Sweep: Book of Shadows today, a few hours ago. And I’m down to having 1/4 of the book left! This book is so good. I’ve always been interested in Wicca and Greek Mythology and stuff. So, yeah, this book is great. My family is catholic so, I kinda know how Morgan feels. Its just… insane lol. I wish Martin was here so I could tell him about it, hes always interested to know what I’m reading about.

Goodness, how did I get so lucky? :)

[edit @ 7:40PM]
I finished the book. Darn! Now I want to read the rest of them!
[/edit]

life xoxo

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Oct 13

I’ll miss your arms around me.

by zel

SPiNNiNG: Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

Martin woke me up around 4AM-ish while he was getting ready for MEPS. And I ended up falling back asleep. He called me again when he was done with MEPS. And said he’d call me again when he got to the airport. He called me around Noon while he was waiting to board his flight. We got to talk for a little bit, then he went to board his flight to Arizona. He called me when he landed then texted me rushing to his next flight. And called me again when he landed in Texas. Then he called me again for our last phone call. He told me to be good and be strong and to make him proud while hes gone too. He also said “everyday, you’ll be okay”. And every time he says that, it hits me so hard that hes not going to be here.

Today was full of nothing. I did laundry. I had KFC Chicken Pot Pie with Mashed Poatoes and a Cherry Pepsi (they didnt have Dr. Pepper) — my I’m sick/sad meal. I didnt do much today. I’m looking for some wedding favors. Making lists of things I need to get done, tweeting my heart out. I played Bubble Town on Facebook (for the first time in forever)! I started a Target wedding registry. I feel like I’m asleep but awake. I’m so numb right now, I dont even feel like blinking. It hasnt really hit me that hes not here, I’m not panicking as much as I thought I would be. I attempted to make a haul but ended up just closing the window *sigh*.

Lornalyn sent me a message on Facebook about when Jerico joined the USAF. I thought that was really sweet of her =).

I might be sad about this, but I know its for the better and I know if we can get through this, we can get through anything. We’ve been through so much already, distance shouldnt be a big deal. I know hes going to make our lives better, and the most I can do is support him. We both need the time and the distance to better ourselves. To be better for each other. I know we’ll both miss each other a lot, but this is for the better *sigh*.

I’m a little happy that we’re in this situation. It kinda made me realize who my friends really are. And knowing who your real friends are is always a good thing.

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